Why are things so difficult

Sometimes I just find things so difficult to get through. Yesterday was such a nice day for me. Yet all day long I had the looming feeling that tomorrow (meaning today) would be not so nice. Why did I feel like that? I don't know if it's because I knew I had to go to work or if I figured I was going to be busy because I had a doctor appointment for Oliver. In any case, it wasn't a very good day. Little things just seem to add up quickly. I didn't want to get up this morning. Granted, who really does want to get out of a nice warm bed and into the chilly air. I find it harder to get moving in the morning. I feel like everything aches. My feet hurt tremendously. I am not sure if this is because of the depression or fatigue or just because I am getting older. Anyway. We dropped Elijah off at school but not before the dog pooped on my kitchen floor. I was so mad! I don't know why she did that. I was right next to her and she has been really good about barking when she needs to be let out. I was very disappointed. After Elijah was taken to school we had to take Oliver to the pediatrician for his 4 month well visit. Yes, he is 4 months. I can't believe it. He's a big, chunky boy and weighed in at 17lbs 2 oz. He's pretty long too. 26 1/2 inches. While we were there the pediatrician expressed concern that his upper body strength is not that good and that we need to increase tummy time. Also, he is not grasping toys and just keeps his fists balled up. So we need to work with him or else he will need to be seen by physical therapy. That was disappointing to me. She is an awesome doctor and is always asking about how I am doing and telling me what a good job I'm doing. But I don't feel like I'm doing a good job. I have never had so many highs and lows in such a short time period. I just want a break from all of these feelings. I just want to feel good about myself. While we were there Oliver spit up all over me, all the way down to my shoes. I felt like it just figures. I'm used to this right? Does one ever really get used to feeling like you look like crap all the time. Because that's a terrible feeling. Afterwards we went to visit Jake at his work so that everyone could see Oliver. By the end of the visit I was so incredibly tired. I felt like I was going to fall asleep on the way home. When we got home, I made lunch for the boys and then nursed Oliver and we both took a long nap while the twins watched some cartoons. I just can't get over how tired I am even though Oliver is not waking up nonstop during the night. He wakes up about twice, which isn't terrible. It's not as great as Elijah, but it's not as terrible as the twins. Now I'm just thinking about all the things that I need to get done. Things just pile up nonstop and it feels like it's so hard to catch up. I need a maid and a new brain.

Here's my chubby little baby loving his bath.

He's a handsome dude.

Elijah had a music concert and so here are some photos from the night.