Having a little fun

The boys were having a little fun with the camera here. I don't know that this is such a stellar picture of me but Jonah really likes it.

A Date with my First Born

Elijah's school had a Hog Hoe Down Dance for moms and their sons tonight. We went and had a lot of fun. 

Here's Elijah and his friend Jamal.

Isn't he cute?

They had  an area to play a bunch of games and get some candy as a prize. 

Elijah surprised us all by knocking over all of the cans with one bean bag.

Elijah loves to dance!

Fall=Pumpkin Bread

One thing that I love, love, love is baking. One of my stress relievers is to bake. This time of year is my favorite because it isn't as hot so it doesn't cause our house to feel like an oven. Also, this time of year means....PUMPKIN BREAD. Woohoo!

I found THE BEST recipe for pumpkin bread on Pinterest. It has a nice crust to it. It is amazingly yummy.You can find the recipe here

http://blog.streaminggourmet.com/2009/10/23/ultimate-pumpkin-bread/

Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp ground cloves
• 2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1 tsp ground nutmeg
• ½ tsp salt
• 1 tsp baking soda
• ½ tsp baking powder
• 3 cups granulated sugar
• 1 cup butter, really soft, half melted really
• 3 large eggs
• 1 16 oz can of pure pumpkin
• ½ cup chopped pecans (optional)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350˚F and spray two medium loaf pans with nonstick cooking spray.
2. In a medium bowl, mix the flour, spices, salt, baking soda, and baking powder and set aside.
3. In the bowl of a stand mixer with the wire whisk attached, dump in the sugar. Take the butter and put it in the microwave for about 30 seconds, so that it is half melted. Dump it into the sugar. Add the eggs. Cream these three ingredients together on medium speed for about 2 minutes or until fluffy. Add the pumpkin and combine well.
4. In three batches, add the dry ingredients and mix gently until each batch is just incorporated. Scrape the sides between each batch.
5. Pour half of the batter into a one of the prepared pans. Fold the pecans into the remaining batter and then pour it into the other prepared pan. Bake side-by-side for about one hour or until an inserted knife comes out clean the top is golden.

It says it serves 14. Well, maybe it serves 14 if you aren't a hormonal, breastfeeding, pumpkin loving, sleep deprived, trying to stay sane, mother of four boys...

Another thing I love is cookies. Gingerbread cookies are something that I find amazing. Especially good ones. If you would like a great recipe, I found one from Pillsbury.

http://www.pillsbury.com/recipes/gingerbread-cutouts/85135515-2890-4266-8104-985fc2908c1d?p=1

Ingredients

1 1/2

cups sugar

1

cup butter, softened

3

tablespoons molasses

1

egg

2

tablespoons water or milk

3 1/4

cups all-purpose flour

2

teaspoons baking soda

2

teaspoons ground cinnamon

1 1/2

teaspoons ground ginger

1/2

teaspoon salt

1/2

teaspoon ground cardamom

1/2

teaspoon ground cloves

Dried currants, if desired

1/2

cup sugar

Vanilla creamy ready-to-spread frosting, if desired

Directions

1. In large bowl, beat 1 1/2 cups sugar, the butter and molasses until light and fluffy. Beat in egg and water. Stir in flour and all remaining ingredients except currants and 1/2 cup sugar to form a smooth dough. Cover with plastic wrap; refrigerate 1 hour for easier handling.
2. Heat oven to 350°F. On floured surface, roll out 1/3 of dough at a time to 1/8-inch thickness. (Keep remaining dough refrigerated.) Cut with floured 2 1/2-inch gingerbread boy or girl cookie cutters. Place 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheets. If desired, decorate cookie cutouts with currants for eyes and buttons.
3. Bake 9 to 11 minutes or until set. Immediately remove from cookie sheets to cooling racks. Sprinkle sugar over each cookie or cool completely and decorate with frosting and candies.

I changed things around a bit and instead of rolling out the dough, I rolled it into balls, rolled it into sugar and then baked them. When they had baked for 9 minutes, I took them out and slightly flattened them with a spatula. I then baked them for 1-2 minutes longer. They are super yummy.

Loving on My Baby

After I had the twins and came back to work, a lot of people asked me if I was done having kids. I think they expected me to say absolutely. But at the time I didn't say yes. I said I could see myself having one more. They thought I was crazy. At the time my reasoning was because I didn't get to enjoy the pregnancy the way that I did with Elijah and I didn't get the snuggle time either. That one on one baby bonding where you actually take the time to smell the baby's hair and feel how soft their skin is. Then time went on and I was exhausted and depressed and Jake and I realized another baby would probably be a bad idea. He got his procedure done. I mourned that we would no longer have kids...secretly hoping that maybe we would be the 1 in 4,000 that the procedure failed in. Then time went on. My kids got older and more self sufficient. Things were easier. They were fun. It didn't take forever to get out of the car. I started thinking about going back to school. And then it happened. My wish that I had made so long ago came true. It was devastating to me. It through me into a deep depression. I thought horrible things. Maybe the pregnancy wouldn't progress. I was so incredibly sick though and figured my pregnancy hormones must be pretty strong. Then I thought maybe we should adopt the baby out. Who thinks things like this? It made me feel like a terrible person...a horrible mom...and it didn't fade for a long time. I cried when I heard the heart beat. Online friends from message boards told me it would pass. It didn't for a very long time. It made me incredibly worried that I wouldn't bond with my baby. When I found out that we were having a boy my heart dropped even more, thinking maybe this pregnancy was the girl I always wanted. Jake was excited. I didn't have that. I kept thinking this was just a horrible nightmare, especially once I started having all the continuous contractions. For months I wondered why was I forced to go through this. Why couldn't I at least have a pregnancy like I had with Elijah. I didn't expect a singleton to treat me worse than the twin pregnancy did. I worked up until I delivered this time. All night long I felt tortured and worried that I wouldn't even be comforted by the prize at the end. After all, the twins were not the best babies. What if we had to do that all over again. The constant screaming and crying. The nonstop spitting up. I was so incredibly worried. I even decided I didn't want him to be put onto my chest after delivery. My nurse Cinnamon told me to just wait and see. Then I was surprised. I had an amazing birth story. I felt joy and was so happy to finally see my little Oliver. Since his birth I can't say that I haven't been depressed. In fact, I have had to increase my medication because I was having increasing suicidal thoughts. But it wasn't because of him. It wasn't my little Oliver's fault, but the raging hormones that apparently my body and mind do not like. Instead of not bonding with him, I found myself incredibly close to him. I find myself picking him up when he's sleeping to comfort myself. I rock him and sing to him and love feeling his body next to mine. I look at Jake and feel amazing love knowing that we created an incredible gift. God gave him to us so that we would have a baby that we could hold on to. That we could cherish as "our last baby". We are able to inhale his scent and caress his soft skin and try to hold on to it a little longer. We won't be wishing he could do things for himself as fast as he possibly can. This is our chance to take things a little slower and enjoy all of the stages of our kids lives. I am so glad that we have been blessed with that opportunity again.

 

Noah loves his little brother.

Savoring the last week of maternity leave and snuggling my baby (babies?). I probably should have been doing something else...but it's ok. I like snuggling better.