Waiting for Thursday

Everything is the same here. I had another nonstress test today and found out my contractions are not quite 5 min apart like they were but are stronger and longer. Because I was having them she said she could check me but I figured there wasn't a point. It would probably just bum me out. She said we must have scared them so now they don't want to come out. The bad thing about preterm labor, meds, and twins is that there is a very short window of time to deliver. They don't want you to deliver before 36 weeks or after 38. My nurse wanted to know if any plans were in action for helping me along. I hope to find out on Thursday. Hopefully I have progressed a little. I'm wondering if he will strip my membranes or tallk about when we will induce. All I know is that I am 38 weeks on 9/11. Who wants to have twins on the anniversary of the twin towers coming down? Not me! How about 9/9 or 9/10 instead?

Now I can't go into labor until tomorrow afternoon bc Elijah has a cardiologist appt tomorrow morning and you know how hard it is to get in to see specialists. We've had this appt for months and I would rather not have to wait much longer. I want to know if his VSD and PDA have closed.

All for now.

No Babies Yet

Ok. I have to admit, I totally though the babies would be here by now. I have to say I am very disappointed. I did a few things on Saturday including walking a bit around Target hoping I would go into labor. It was funny bc I had a lot of femmale workers ask me if I was ok and needed any help. Probably bc I would grab my belly and double over quite a bit. Yeah..didn't go into labor. I thought maybe bc I had contractions 4-6 min apart and increasing in intensity but after 2 hours they just went back to their normal intensity...which is beyond annoying and uncomfortable. Not only that but I was kept awake all night with them so I was very tired yesterday. Thankfully last night I was only awakened for about an hour with them. I would love to say that I have been doing things all day trying to encourage contractions but to be honest making some jello and puting a load of laundry in the washer is exhausting. I have absolutely no endurance. I am a little scared of having to be in hard labor with no energy.

Elijah updates. He decided he wanted to talk to Grammy this am so we called her. He didn't really say much to her but when she asked where Kitty was he said on the couch. She asked if Kitty was sleeping and he said no..even though she was. He then proceeded to go over to Kitty, get in her face and roar like a dinosaur. Kitty woke up and looked at him like what the heck are you doing. He then let out this big belly laugh. my Mom got a kick out of it. My little instigator. What am I in for?

My friend Julia brought over some goodies for me and the babies and Elijah decided he liked them. He was very pleasant until she left and then he turned into the MINE, GIMMIE IT monster. He told me they were not brothers, mine. AUGH! We have been warning him that Mommy and Daddy will be going to get the babies soon and he will be staying at PaPa and GaGa's house to which he replies, no, I come too.

What will we do?

When will these babies come?!

2 more days!

In 2 more days I will be 36 weeks and can come off of the terbutaline and do whatever I want around the house. How exciting! On Tuesday I had to go to the cafeteria from L&D after my test and felt like I was going to die so I don't think I'll be running any marathons or anything, but at least I can do SOME things. I have started on my list. Top items are putting the car seats in (which I'm not sure if I'll be able to physically do, but at least I can try and if I can't Jake will be there..they have to go in now), making cookies, and going to Target. I have been Target deprived. I don't really NEED anything, but I would like to take Elijah for popcorn and an Icee and walk around a bit (which will probably turn into not very far). Of course my list of things I would like to do is endless but I know I won't really have the physical stamina to do it. I can dream though, right? My doctor and my friend Julia are both on this weekend so I have my OB and night shift high risk nurse covered. Sounds like the perfect time to go into labor. Otherwise I am sooo over everything. You've heard all the complaints before so I won't go into them.

Enough of that. On to Elijah. He has been SUCH a good boy. He has been so flexible with all that has gone on. Despite all this he has still decided he wants to go pee on the potty. In fact today it has turned into constantly wanting to go pee on the potty because he has learned to stand up and pee to make bubbles in the toilet. Ahh the little things. He is turning into such a big guy! He's growing like a weed! Now he's this tall, skinny thing. His shorts and shirts are starting to get small on him. I guess it will be time for size 3's this fall! They grow up WAY too fast!

I guess that's all. I told Jake that my luck will be I go into labor in the next 2 days and all the things I want to (attempt to) do go out the window. Oh well, at least I'll have the little munchkins.

forgot to mention

i forgot to mention that as of saturday night elijah is pacifierless. it happened by accident. i wasn't pushing it bc of the boys being born but we had gotten to sleeping only. well he had one paci left and he had it saturday morning but saturday for nap we couldn't find it. we looked everywhere so he had to deal with it...and he did great. he still asks for it but we just remind him that he lost it and he does ok.

well, i guess that's all. ihope maybe the next time i post it will be bc i have some progress notes on the babies. i am soooo done. why did it work out i am done cooking them but they aren't done cooking? grrr.

seriously

yet another nonstress test and again the boys did well. still showing contractions but not terrible, although this time there was a lot of irritability. i am surviving but barely. my back and ribs are killing me and i have alot of trouble sleeping. this past couple days i have been getting headaches but i am wondering if its weather related. my blood pressure has gone up a little but not terribly and i still have no swelling whatsoever so i am not concerned it is preggo related.

my main somewhat vain complaint is i just popped up with stetch marks today. seriously. up till now i just had a miniscule mark on each side from elijah. grrf. i guess its bc i am now 44 inches around and measuring 42 weeks. i will be very glad when this is all over. i'm tired.

all for now.

out of the mouth of babes

kids say the craziest things. maybe they wouldn't be crazy for an adult to say but coming from a two year old they are. so what do i mean? well, last night jake went on a scorpion and snake hunt. it was almost time for bed so i just put monsters inc on for awhile. well, after a bit elijah left the living room, i assumed to get his blanket or binky. when he didn't come back right away i went to his room to find him, but he wasn't there. instead i found him in the babied room pulling all the clothes out of the drawer. i asked him just what did he think he was doing. leave me alone mom, i busy. i dooning someting was his reply. seriously? i couldn't believe it. another thing he says to us, which is not a very well received comment is when we correct, ex tell him he needs to eat his food, he points to us and says, i tell you. character i tell you. sota mica. thats his word for motorcycle. some of his favorite phrases are what dooning and where goning..meaning what are you doing and where are you going. anyway..that's all for now.

btw i hate all the lower case letters.

very hot!

another update via phone so please ignor the grammer.

today was another long day of tests and dr appts. the boys look great by ultrasound and they did not even need to be buzzed for their nonstress test. the past few days i have not had to take the terbutaline every 4 hrs during the morning bc i haven't really started contracting until the afternoon..and we won't get into the nightmare evenings/nights we have..lets just say uncomfortable is not nearly a strong enough word. poor jake..home for the crappy part. anyway..so i thoughtmornings were my good time..until the nurse hooked me up tothe nst and we saw nice little waves every 5 minutes. not irritability..contractions, but mild..and i couldn't feel them at all. i wonder what my night ones look like. anyway, now i have to take the terb every 4hrs regardless of how i feel. my cervix is now dilated to two which is good considering all the contractions i have...it makes me say really? are you sure? he cannot believe i have no swelling whatsoever. he says its unheard of. i told him i wanted the motrin back. i know i can't have it but i hate the terb. it makes me jittery, my heart races, and as if its not hot enough here itbmakes me feel like i am in a furnace.

getting discouraged

as much as i would love to carry these guys til the end i am getting sooooo tired. now that i am off the motrin i realize how much the meds hid my discomforts like back and rib pain. now i am on terbutaline which makes me jumpy. now its harder to tell when i am contracting vs having the uterine irritability. i used to be able to go by back pain and nausea but now i have back pain all the time and am nauseated bc of al the reflux. there's just not much room in there. i know i don't have much more time and am very thankful for that. i miss being able to play with elijah and doing things for myself. i know when i have them though it will be just as hard..just in a different way. i feel like i whine about things all the time now. i feel bad but it often just comes out. jake has been a great support and i feel bad that he has so much more on his plate. just a few more weeks. it's so hard to wait.

sorry for all the lower case but i just got an update on my phone so i can post now but for some reason it won't let me do upper case or exclamation points. all for now.

Scary Day

Yesterday I had a little scare with the boys. I had a nonstress test and while I was on the monitors Baby A's heart rate started dropping a little...then a lot..from 130's to 74! It stayed there for what seemed like forever to me and then started climbing back up but stayed in the 90's for awhile. I was expecting someone to come in to check on me or tell me to get on my left side but nope, nothing! Then I started second guessing myself and kind of going into a mini freak out session. Finally after over 30 minutes the nurse came in and said that it was taking longer because they had to call the doctor on call and were waiting for her to call back. She was "stuck" on what to tell me so I interjected and said "because Baby A had a decel and took awhile to recover." She was a little taken back and was like, yes, and because Baby B has only had 1 heart rate acceleration since we've put you on (which I was kind of wondering about because his strip was pretty flat looking). I kind of was wondering why she didn't try giving me juice or ice water but whatever, I'm not an L&D nurse so I can't claim to know everything. I told her I was a NICU nurse upstairs and she was like, oh, that explains why you know that. So then I had to wait for the doctor (not my doctor mind you) to call back. Finally she came back in and said that I was going for and ultrasound to get a biophysical profile. Okay, I figured that much. So then I waited an HOUR for them to get me into ultrasound(which I must say was NOT comfortable because since when are gurneys comfortable..let alone when you're pregnant..and with twins)...AND pretty much the whole time the monitors kept coming off of the babies which freaked me out because I wanted to know what baby A was doing. Well, a couple times I fixed them myself because I was so worried about it. Really, I thought they would come in to fix it but they never did..the entire time! A few of the times I got it back on his heart rate was low 100's so then I was worried he had been down for awhile. I know, I know worry, worry...but what was I supposed to do? No one was coming in, I didn't have Jake with me, and really my only concern was the babies. When I finally got to have the ultrasound I was very happy to see Ramona, my favorite ultrasound tech. She is super nice and always shows me exactly how the babies are laying and if she can get a face shot she will give me a picture in 3D. I haven't had her for awhile so I haven't had an US picture for a few weeks. I know, poor baby..hey I'm paying $15 bucks each time..I'm entitled to a picture! Anyway. The ultrasound turned out okay. They were moving enough but they wouldn't breath until their 30 minute time frame was almost up. I'm relieved about the ultrasound but I still am a little nervous now. I am a little worried about our little B baby because of him having to be buzzed during the last US and then the nonstress test I had when I was 31 weeks the nurse made the comment that the goals were increased from increases in HR from 10bpm to 15bpm and that baby B would have to step it up a bit. Now I hope he's getting the oxygen and nutrients he needs. He doesn't move nearly as much as Baby A. You know I always try to teach parents not to rely on monitors but they at least have a baby to look at...I can't see these guys. I'm not so sure I like this anymore. And why did Baby A drop his heart rate? It's not like I am in hard labor. Sigh. I'm not sure I can take 41/2 more weeks of this. I'm going to be a wreck! I have to keep telling myself to trust God but it's very hard to do! I will be glad when I can see them and hold them!

33 weeks Saturday

The other day I told Jake that I didn't think that I was that big...that I was MAYBE the size I was when I had Elijah. He hated to burst my bubble but said, NO WAY. So we got out pictures from a week before I delivered Elijah. Yeah...he was right. I am definitely bigger. I still didn't think that I was that big though...until I took pictures. I think this one shows off the best.

I had my ultrasound today and found that I am actually carrying about 5 oz of baby more than Elijah, not to mention one more placenta and amniotic sac. I actually weigh exactly what I did when I delivered Elijah. Some very nice people have said I am all baby and don't look pregnant from behind. You all are too sweet! Once you get to be about this size though, you tend to feel like a big fat oompa loompa. You're clumsy, waddle like a duck, and can never get too comfy.

How big are they you ask. Well, Baby A is measuring 4 lbs 12 oz and supposedly has a big head and is measuring like a 34 weeker instead of 33. Baby B is smaller, weighing in at 4 lbs 3 oz...no big head. He is the quieter of the two and for the first time had to be "buzzed" in order to wake up and pass his test via ultrasound. So far the amniotic fluid is still good which is a very good thing. It allows me to stay on the Motrin until next week. After that the plan is to take me off the Motrin and give me oral terbutaline for a week, maybe two but probably not...we'll see. I might know more but I didn't get to see MY doc today. I hate that. I was supposed to but he left in the morning and his partners took his patients. Don't get me wrong, they are all great OB's but I picked mine for a reason. I love the fact that he is constantly updating me with my progress; how my blood pressure is, where my weight falls, how I'm measuring, what our goals for the next week are...that kind of thing. When I see someone else I never get any of that. Oh well. I am praying that I get to have him see through the delivery like he did with Elijah. Everything else will be so different from last time. It will be weird to deliver in the OR (so far heads are down so it's just a precaution in case Baby B flips and he doesn't respond to an aversion) and to have a NICU team there. I guess I am very blessed to know everyone up there and have the best neonatologist and nurses ever!

I am starting to get a little nervous about caring for 2 babies and Elijah. I am praying God gives me the ability to get through it all. I think I am even more worried once I have to go to work after only 6 weeks of being with them and trying to get them on some sort of schedule. Elijah slept pretty much through the night by the time I went back to work. Sigh. I am also quite concerned about the postpartum depression as I already am feeling myself slip into some depression.

One positive thing that has happened is that I FINALLY got approved for my short term disability. Only took almost 4 weeks. Oh well, at least it is taken care of...or so they say.

I am still trying to keep busy. I have knitted 43 hats and 4 pairs of booties. No, I don't know how to knit...it's a cheater loom but it keeps me occupied. I do have to say..there are NO GOOD TV SHOWS ON during the day. AUGH!

I have a Droid smart phone now and found out from a mommy group that I belong to that they have an application to count your contractions and kicks. I downloaded it and it is pretty cool. I tried it out and realized I have WAY more contractions than I realized. To me they weren't anything more than normal but now I'm thinking how in the world am I going to know when I am really in labor when I already feel like I'm constantly contracting. I'm praying my water breaks so that I can be sure. Odd prayer I know but I already go to triage enough for tests, I don't want to show up for false labor. The last stress test they did the nurse discharged me and told me that I was starting to contract a lot so come back in if they increased. Ok...really? Cause I really have no idea that I am even having some of them. Oh well. Like I said, water breaking would be a really good sign. Just not in bed...that might get a little messy. Maybe a little trickle...on the tile, cement, linoleum. Better yet, at the doctor's office. Hey it happens! I was seeing him once and he told me he just had a twin mommy's water break when he checked her. I could go for that. At least I'd know what's going on!

Well, I probably should get going. I wish I had some better preggo pictures but Jake will have to take those.

On an ending note...WHY IS IT SO STINKIN' HOT ALL THE TIME! I need a personal fan! 112 degrees is not fun!