conquering the world

sometimes i wake up and feel i can do this. i have this list of things to do that i am determined to whittle down bit by bit. and then reality sets in throughout the day and i realize i was a fool for thinking that i could actually get something done.

christmas is coming and everything is hustle and bustle. i am almost finished shopping. believe it or not, its easier to shop than get things done at home. did i go shopping on black friday...no..for the first time in years. i just didn't see anything that i really wanted to fight for and quite frankly felt a little depressed and overwhelmed. i figured i would do a lot online. i felt a little better on saturday and ended up taking noah and leaving the other two with daddy. surprisingly by 2 i was home and pretty much done. sunday we put up the tree. now there are boxes everywhere to go through and put away. it will all get done...soon..maybe..but not today. oh well.

Busy Bees

I figured I would do a quick update while I feed the boys and Elijah is quiet before all of us go to take a nap.

To say that it is busy at our house is an understatement! The boys are awake for longer periods of tome now andduring that time they have decided that they want social interaction. I don't know who told them that they were entitled to this..teehee. It nakes it a little more challenging for housework as before I could put whoever was fussy in the Moby Wrap and still pick up things or fold laundry. Their desire to interact has led to decreased productivity on my part hence me having to use Noah's crib as an overflow storage unit for my clean laundry awaiting its folding time. I have somewhat kept up with dishes as we only have so many kids cups/plates. Anyway just don't pop by my house expecting anything remotely clean.

Yesterday I decided that since I really don't get much done at home it might be a good time to do some Christmas shopping done. I work every other day for the next 2 weeks and after that I'mm sure it will be a nightmare...especially with 3 kids and a double stroller. Anywho..I did get some things and think between online and a few things on black Friday I should be set. I have 4 people completely shopped for. Yeah!

I said a little about the boys but really they are doing great. Still spitty and snotty but gaining weight (13lb7oz and 12lb12oz this am) and REALLY starting to interact. Sunday school Noah kept gurgling at me when I looked away from him bc he wanted me to smile and interact with him.  Just too cute! Jonah does the same...just want to squeeze them!

Elijah keeps getting bigger and bigger. We got himsome shirts while shopping. 3T..what a bgi boy! He started to imaginitive play. Way cute to hear! He wanted me to be his horsey today. He had his Jessi hat on and his pop gun. He said he wanted to go shoot his brothers. Lil' rascal! I made his cardiac cath consultation today...December 2nd...We have to go downtown to PCH for it. Jake's (Lord willing) coming with me. It sounds like they are looking at February for the procedure...just keep us in your prayers for that.

Well,better go. Gotta try to catch a nap before I have to leave for a meeting and then work.

Aughhhh!!!

I am having a rotten day. I woke up to two little ones on my chest, mostly because starting at 2am they woke up every 2hrs. Its on the chilly side...70degrees in the house. You laugh but our heat is set at 68 and we require sweaters indoors for that. Arizona wimps. Anyway. Got us all dressed. I am quite dismayed everytime I go in our closet Not only do so  few things fit me but on top of everything else that has broken inour house, the rod desided to bust off the wall and so all of my clothes and Jakes pants are lying on the floor. I had already decided today I would clean up our front and backyard. Ouur house is a pigstye but I really donmt want our neighbors to know it if you know what I mean. I have all sorts of garbage outside that needs to be thrown away but can't find large garbage bags. I found a dead bird I had to dispose of...gross. Everything is filled with dirt from our last dust storm. Elijah will not just play with his sandbox and car and let me pick up stuff. I am afraid the things he is trying to get into may have spiders under them. Weeds are amuck. I have half of a tree , branches and all sitting in my side yard that have been awaiting being choppped up to put out for the trash. My front watering system is broken and squirts water all over...Currently I am feeding thee boys which is why there are so many typos. Noah is crabby and won't stop screaming Elijah insisted on shutting the storm door and now canMt open it up again. I told him to leave it alone so now he is whining he wants to come in and watch a movie. I am a mean mom and keep yelling at him to play in his sandbox. I think I am going to go looney. i just want things fixed in my house and for itt to be presentable. I am tired of feedinf babies all the time and having puke on me and constantly telling a 2yr old to stop it or be quiet.  I just want to run away...far far away.

A Note from Fuzzy Lil' Heads

Noah and Jonah here to update you on our wonderfully fantastic lives.

This is us right after our warm baths. Mommy calls us stinky babies. How rude is that? Can we help it that spit up is not the most celebrated scent? We have tried to protest that it's really not that bad but our Mommy insists on stripping us naked and putting us in the tub. It's warm water, so it's really not that bad but we can't let HER know that...so we have to scream like banshees. It's really quite fun and amusing to see her try to hurry to get us both cleaned, dried, and dressed...shushing at us all the while. We can't admit that bathtime is fun...at least not yet anyway. Check out our fuzzy heads Grammy...we may look bald in the pictures but really we have soft fuzzy hair you can rub and smell to your hearts desire...that is if you would just move out here..hint, hint.

 I guess being twins and all Mommy feels the need to dress us alike. We want to know what a "thing" is and why are we numbered? Did we miss something?

We try to smile every now and again. We make Mommy and Daddy really work for it. Somehow that baby voice of theirs just cracks us up. We have to be serious for awhile to get them to finally chalk up and talk in funny high pitched voices..but it's worth it.

 

Our Brother is on to our attempts to take over the house. He is forever making us truly work for sole attention. He thinks because he's two and has teeth to eat good things like cookies and ice cream he's got it made. Ok, so we're a bit jealous he gets the goodies but hey, we have a party in Mommy and Daddy's room at 3am and he's not invited! Well, maybe we should rethink that...he has all the toys...and he can be pretty funny. If only he would stop flicking us in the head...

2 Months Old!

Time flies when you are in the feed, burp, play, put to bed, feed the big brother, play with big brother, put big brother to nap, wash dishes, do laundry, feed, burp play, put to bed...etc...etc..mode. Jonah and Noah are TWO MONTHS OLD TODAY! Wow! And to celebrate...Jonah smiled...at me...at Jake...not gas...not sleeping...real smiles :) It made me feel better. I wasn't having such a good day yesterday. I haven't been having good days lately. I think everything has been snowballing and everything is catching up with me. I feel like I am in zombie/autopilot mode. I get up with the boys and before I know it I am still in my pajamas finishing MY breakfast when I realize it's 11:30 and almost time to start over with lunch. Before the twins I would do roughly 3-4 loads of laundry a week. Lights. Darks. Sheets/towels. Rags. Now? 1-2 loads A DAY! And then you have to find time to fold it..and don't even bring up ironing....we don't do that around here anymore. Dishes...you know, they pile up like crazy but then add to that nipples and pump parts...it's insane! Praise the Lord we use Playtex drop-ins to decrease on some washing. I just feel like I want to live somewhere else. Somewhere that is clean. Somewhere that I don't have constant crying or whining. Somewhere that I don't constantly smell like au de vomit. Somewhere where I could fit clothes that make me feel good about myself. Don't get me wrong. I love my boys to death. I just am having a little trouble adjusting. I have found myself to be quite opposite from the last time I was going through the postpartum stage. I am not crying all the time, sitting on the couch watching "A Baby Story" holding MY baby. I don't have time for that. Instead I find myself constantly frustrated. Frustrated in how time flies by and yet I get so little accomplished. Frustrated in trying to keep Elijah 1) occupied 2) fed 3) feeling loved 4) disciplined which is quite the obstacle right now. Frustrated in how fast 3 hour feedings come. Frustrated in how I feel about myself. Frustrated in having time for not only myself but Jake and I. To be honest, I'm frustrated with a lot. I find my fuse to be much shorter than normal and have to really watch myself so that I don't take it out on Elijah and yell at him unneccessarily. One thing he does is CONSTANTLY take things and put them where they don't belong. It is very easy to yell at him for moving something when I can't find it instead of realize that I was the one that misplaced it. I am still trying to find a balance in caring for the twins, giving Elijah the attention he needs and caring for the house/making dinner all while now working. Jake helps A LOT! He comes home and pretty much takes over caring for them all so I can either go to work or finish dinner, clean up and try to get the last of the laundry done. He is SUCH a good Dad. Everyone says it gets easier. I hope so. I feel bad letting Jonah and Noah just sit in their bouncy chairs or on their playmat much of the day. I just don't have time to interact with them the way that I did with Elijah. I guess that's what comes with having twins and a two year old. I sometimes just feel like such a failure as a mom. I want to be a good mommy. When I was driving to Jake's Mom's house to drop Elijah and Noah off so I could take Jonah to his hearing screen Elijah said "Mama, no weave (leave) me. You weave me too much." I felt terrible. What do you say to that? I can't blame him. He must feel like I leave him a lot. He just wants me to be his playmate 24/7. Oh, if only I could buddy...if only I could...

Letters

Dear Grumpy Man at Costco,
I am sorry I inconvenienced you and made you wait an extra 5 seconds because you had to go single file around my cart parked my my picnic table. You muttered I should have parked somewhere else. I am SO SORRY that I wanted to park my cart with my 2 month old in it by me instead of parking it with all the other carts and eating in the center area. If only you had looked in to see my little Jonah's sweet angelic sleeping face and let all your cares melt away now while he's still too young to throw temper tantrums in the store, throw a ball through your window, or cut you off while changing lanes with his teenage friends snickering in the backseat. I feel sorry for you because you obviously let stupid things bother you and unfortunately have to voice your crabbiness to everyone around you.


Dear Noah,
Please...stop puking in my hair. I already have a poor self image and au de vomit is not the scent I am going for.


Dear Jonah,
 You are such a good boy. I feel badly that I am not able to snugle you more. Thanks for neing so good and passing your hearing screen today. Just work on closing that pfo of yours in the next couple weeks before we go to the cardiologist and we will be all set. Thanks for snuggling with Dr Hamburg and brightening her day.

Dear Elijah,
I love you to death. You make me laugh...but please just behave!!!

Dear Jake,
You're doing an awesome job with the boys! I love you! You're a great Dad!

Dear Bed,
I'd like to see more of you...let's work on that.

Dear house,
Where is your self-cleaning function. I thought that came standard. I want a refund.

Dear self,
I know this is hard. I know you have really bad days. I know you get really sad, frustrated, angry...it's ok. You can do this. The house won't be clean and the dinners may not be the best but your family will be loved. Hang in there....