if only dreams came true

Last night I had a dream that someone threw me a baby shower. Apparently someone I work with came into a very large amount of money and bought us an astronomical amount of cloth diapers AND a larger more appropriate family vehicle. If only dreams were true. Not that I necessarily want to be washing that many cloth diapers but my laundry has basically doubled so I guess it wouldn't matter too much. At least we wouldn't be buying so many diapers!

On another (sad) note I will be going back to work officially October 22nd. WAAHHHAAHHH!!!!!! I just want to stay home with my babies longer...at least another couple months..I'm so bummed.

Elijah

Just a quick post about a couple things Elijah has said these past couple  days.

There is a McDonalds commercial with happy meals talking about hope. Elijah telss us. I wanna go donalds get hope..in a box. A few days later we're coming home from church and Elijah says "want donalds, get a hamurger". Jake gets him a happy meal.  He comes in the house "mama! I got hope...in a box!"

Today I catch him putting baby lotion on. He comes over to me with a very cute little grin and looks into my eyes and says "Mama, I CUUUTE!" Yes you sure are little buddy!

All about ME!

OK, enough about the kids for now, I'm going to post about ME and how I am doing. Truth be told..I don't know. As wierd as it sounds I feel like I am still a little bit in shock mode. I've kind of felt that way since delivery. It all happened so fast I feel like it DIDN'T happen. I heard 2 crying babies at once and said out loud "oh my God, those are mine..what do I do with them!" and I was being very sincere. Then Jonah got taken away and it wasn't like there was 2 babies any more. We had to visit them separately so it didn't really sink in until we took Jonah home a couple days later. Even then they both slept a lot and rarely cried, just made grunting noises and sucked on their hands when hungry. I tried to take it easy while Jake was home. This whole past 10 weeks has been a little odd for me. I went from doing everything myself to being able to do nothing and be totally reliant on others to be the main caregiver to 2 totally helpless beings (I say that bc Jake took care of Elijah while I did most of the work with the twins since I am nursing) and now I am taking care of Elijah too. The boys have now both found their voices and do cry..especially Noah. He has a lot of gas and this morning cried for an hour before the other 2 woke up and NOTHING I did helped him.
On Tuesday Elijah begged me to go out. He wanted to do something. He cried and cried he wanted to see Daddy so I figured ok, I need to go out with the 3 of them sometime and haven't been out except to the hospital or dr in 10 weeks..lets go bring Daddy lunch. So we did, and went to pick up something fromBuy Buy Baby and Costco. Then we dropped of some goodies for the nurses at the hospital. I found out that we need a bigger vehicle. It is a pain in the butt to get out the stroller. It fits the trunk but just barely. It literally takes like 15 min to get everyone in and out of the car. After our excursion I was a little unsure about myy decision. I felt empowered for doing it, glad to get out, but exhausted and  left wondering how  I am going to do this alll the time. As much of a shock it is to lose some of your freedom when you have one kid, its fifty fold when you have a toddler AND twins! I tried to go to CVS to buy diapers  bc they are on sale...yeah that worked. They have mini carts so i had to take one of the car seats and carry it and then the other I had to keep picking up off the cart to put the goodies in it. I will only be running in there by myself or when Jake is in the car to watch them.
Being home with them all by myself has been a challenge.  It seems like Elijah wants soomething the same time that the boys are both crying and he wants it now too just like them. Also he has been really stubborn so when I tell him no, or he can't do something he will yell very loudly I CAN!
I am very homesick for Michigan right now. It's been a year exactly since I saw my parents. I wish I was there to help them as they are going through a tough time. A week and a half before the twins were born they got in a major car accident and were injured. My dad fractured his back and my mom fractured her pelvis. They don't really have a lot of help as my brother just got a "real" job (he gets to go to Barcelona for it..lucky duck? and my sister just started college. They can't cut their grass, get softener salt or anything heavy..I feel helpless. They didn't tell me about it until last week bc they didn't want me to worry. I wish I had money to fly out there with everyone and help out. Plus everyone on facebook is posting about caramel apples and cider and donuts. I just miss home. I always miss the fall because thwre is really nothing like it here.
Well, I guess i should stop droning on. One good thing about me right now...I fit into all my old clothes again. I've lost 35 pounds and 11 inches. Still got a little more to go but I'm not rushing it. All that came off just from birthing and nursing.

Here is a very sweet photo of Jonah and Noah cuddling.

Jonah kicking back and relaxing. It's a common pose by him, he is very laid back.

Noah is the little munchkin so very fitting he looks like a little elf in his hat.

Jake's decided every baby at our house gets a new bear and a balloon from his Daddy.

I like this picture. Jake does not because I used HIS camera to take it.

Big brother with "the boys".

I like this one a lot. I just love them to death.

I have a lot more but need to try to download the pictures I have so I guess the others will have to wait.

Be sure to look at a couple older posts that I just posted as well for some other cute pictures.

Cute JUST DELIVERED pictures

I didn't get to post a couple of my favorite pictures right after their delivery. I just love them!

My Elijah

These are a few of the shots we got of Elijah. They look great don't they?

Photo Sessions

We have been shooting pictures nonstop at the Baldwin house. I have to say though it is extremely difficult to get the "perfect" twin photograph. If one is quiet and cooperative the other is not. We do have some good individual shots though..those are a little easier. Elijah surprised us and wanted a photo shoot as well so we got some great ones of him. Now we just have to download them...that's going to take forever witth as many as we have!

So how has it been going here? Better than I thought it would. Am i sleep deprived? Yes. Emotional? You bet. My patience has gone on a diet and has become so thin I think it has vanished. I hope it comes back soon :)  The boys do not sleep very well at night and want to eat every 2 hrs if not sooner. When I put them back to bed they grunt and groan and whine. If it's not one it's the other. Little stinkers. Today they've been kind of fussy and seeem to be very gassy. Hmmm...I wonder how this will end. Probably not well. At least probably not in much sleep for me.

On to Elijah. He has been doing and saying some funny things. To the McDonalds Happy Meal commercial he says he wants hope in a box too. Whenever we say no he can't do something and he wants to he tells us "I CAN"! Just tonight he cried out about an hour after we put him to bed and said that there was a monster next to his bed under his blanket. When Jake checked it was his stuffed moose. Elijah didn't seem scared at all like he usually does. We figured out that he had been up the whole time scheming a way to get out of going to bed. What a little monkey! You should hear him pray before bed or for dinner. He prays for everyone in the family...even Uncle Barney (Bryan). Sometimes there is some additions..like Popeye the Sailor Man or Monkey and Moosey. I don't know where he comes up with this stuff.

Liife with 2 babies

I realized I forgot to mention that we are now home with BOTH our boys. Noah and I were dischaarged on Sunday but Jonah was still getting tachypneic and had an IV. He was just starting to eat so we were hopeful he would go home soon. They both were circumcised on Sunday and Jonah was a little swollen so they thought he may have an inguinal hernia but praise the Lord he doesn't. Yeah! One surgery this year will be enough thanks! AAnyway it was hard to leave Jonah but helpful to know the people caring for him are thebest. He actually got spoiled by everyone wanting to hold and feed him. I have to say it was helpful to have one home first to get a taste of the new baby at home feeling. I think it was harder the next day to go and visit him because we had Elijah and Noah and live a ways away. I have more compassion for the moms I work with now.

In any event we were thrilled to death when they called and said Jonah could go homee. Yeah! Our boys together again! So how was our night? Lets just say I am glad the first night is over. They both decided that they are night owls. from 11-3 they were up. If it wasn't one it was the other...or both! YIKES! I was so tired by 230! I changed each of them twice, and their sheets..and in the morning our bed bc they decided night time was the best to either spit up on or pee on everything, including each other. I finally figured out I couldn't wrap them together, instead I had to wrap them separately and then put a blanket around the both of them. Then they slept. We will see if that works tonight. I think they were kicking each other. They are both on the same schedule, which is good bc I am trying to tandem nurse them. At first I thought it was not going to happen. Unfortunately I hadn't really been able to nurse Jonah so he was kind of like, what is this, where is my bottle? Thankfully now he is doing better and I have been able to nurse them together. Noah still is the better nurser so he is still going when we get a bottle to supplement Jonah.

Well, thats it for now. Everyone here is snoozing so I think I'm going to get in on that!

Long awaited pictures

ok. for some reason the words i put aren't working and I can't figure it out. Sorry. Will have to try a new post later.

Labor Day Weekend Babies

Well, we have a Memorial Day weekend baby so it's only fitting we have lLabor Day weekend babies, right? That's right, they're here!

Here is the birth story. It started (kind of) yesterday when i went to the ob. Although I hadn't noticed as many contractions I was having a lot more cramping and appparently it was doing something bc my doc said I was at 3-4cm and 70% effaced. He thought I would deliver soon..I though yeah right. I was like that with Elijah for 2 weeks He said twins are different. He told me to go walk around. I was a little nervous to bc he had told me he was going out of town one day and I really wanted him to deliver. Not everyone is so gungho about vaginal twin births. Anyway. I ended up coming home, vacuuming, sweeping and after dinner I walked Elijah to the park. Got home..notta..no contractions nothing. I thought bummer and went to bed.

Now for all you that have ever been preggo, you know near the end you wake up constantly to go to the bathroom. Well, I kept thinking why can't my water break and I go into labor. Well, at 445 I woke up thinking oh no, I peed myself. Then I realized, no, I still feel like I need to go to the bathroom. Then I was enlightened. Jaaake...I think my water broke. He woke up and took a quick shower while I ran around with a towel between my legs trying to pack some last minute things like phone chargers. At this point I wasn't contracting much at all. We got settled in the car about 20 min later and dropped Elijah off at Jake's parents. We had to buy gas bc we weren't really planning on Jakes car being the getaway vehicle. While he was pumping the contractions started 5 min apart. They progressed quickly to 4, then 3, then 2 min apart and 1 min long. I ended up calling OB triage to tell them we were coming bc I was thinking that this was going fast. When we got to the hospital we didn't even get a room in triage..it was straight to L&D!

My nurse checked me and said I was at 5 cm. I was surpised..I thought I was a lot further. My doctor had jjust come in for the day (perfect timing) and wanted everything done right away stating this was going to goo fast. I thought I'm only at 5, how can that be but he actually stayed in the room to make sure thing were happening. He even went so far as to get one of the nurses to get the anesthesiologist to come RIGHT NOW as it was shift change and he didn't want them gabbing. There was sooooo much going on. Labs were drawn, IV started, consents signed, all th while I was my usual wimpy self barely breathing through the pain. Thankfully I had Jake reminding me to breathe and a nurse reminding me to relax my muuscles. I got the epiduural...what wonderful inventions...and started feeling the pain subsiding. It took about 5 minutes to completely work and then my dr checked me. I about died when he said allright you're complete, lets get you to the OR. Seriously? I was just 5cm!

It was very surreal being wheeled back. Someone got Jake XXL paper scrubs to change into. Hehad to do the MC Hammer in them. There were tons of people present just in case they had to do an emergency c-section. My favorite ultrasound tech Ramona was there to verify the babies were head down. We started pushing and very shortly Jonah Paul was born measuring 6lbs 11oz and 20 inches long. I got to see him very briefly bc it was on to the next baby. It was a very odd feeling for Jake and I bc we have this beautiful baby but wait, don't rejoice yet, you still have another coming. It all was like a whirlwind bc after Jonah was born my doc and Ramona were quickkly trying to find Baby B's position and heart rate. He was still head down so my doc broke his water and I pushed a couple times to bring him down. He started to drop his heart rate and so my doctor told me we really needed to get him out. He didn't have to tell me that twice. Noah Joseph was born at 0729 with a tight nuchal cord. He weighed 5lb 14oz and is 18 1/2 inches. I was able to hold them both togeether briefly and then we went back to th L&D room. There Joonah started acting naughty. He wouldn't pinken in coloring and when my coworkers checked his oxygenation he was in the 60's (instead of 90's). He was taken to the NICU where he still is with some minor breathing issues. He is in an oxygen hood and is not eatingso he has an IV. I am verfy thankful to have wonderful people to help care for him but wish he had behaved so he could be in couplet care with us. Now it kind of feels like we don't have 2 babies.Unfortunately it doesn't look like Jonah will be coming home with Noah and I. He is just doing what we call sitting on the fence...not sure if he wants to get better or worse...stinker!

I am doing ok. I'm very tired and feel like a bus hit me. I was able to see Elijah yesterday so I am happy. He is a good big brother. He even held Noah (with help).

I guess I better go on and post this. Pictures wsill follow when we're discharged.

You know the saying when it rains?

...it pours? well, that's what it felt like today.

It started out ok, Elijah and I headed for his dr appointment and they got us in right away..early in fact. Elijah did NOT want to stand on the scale though so we had to do the whole weigh me with and without him. Not exactly a time I want to be showing off my weight! Thankfully he let the girl do the EKG without any problems bc we told him to pretend he was a robot. He was especially good for the echo bc they put Sesame Street on. I watched while they were doing it and could see he still had a VSD...I did ask to be sure that's what I was looking at. Well, then we waited for the cardiologist to look over the results and talk to us. Not good news. He still has a PDA and a VSD so there is mixing of his oxygenated blood and nonoxygenated blood. Now, Elijah is growing great and doesnMt show any symptoms of this BUT his left side of his heart is enlarging to compensate for this so eventually he probably will. SOOO this means he needs to have a cardiac catheterization done in the next 6 months or so to fix the PDA. Once this is fixed he is hoping the VSD will close. They fix the PDA first bc its the easiest..the VSD needs surgery to fix. A cardiac cath still means risks, IVs, sedation, overnight observation..and at the hospital downtown bc my hospital is working on getting it but probably not by the time he needs to have it done. It's funny bc it didn't worry me that this might happen but now that I know it will, I'm nervous.

So on the way home, a mile from my exit, my car breaks down. I donMt know what it is..I thought it sounded like a belt at first. Pulled over, called Jakes Mom and Uncle (he knows cars but wasn't in the area). I looked under the hood just to ee if something hit mme in the face. Do you know not a single person pulled over? Anyway, Jake told me just to try driving it home so his Mom followed me. Now I'm thinking something like a muffler or whatever is related to that system bc thats kind of how it sounds.

Also, Kitty hurt her front paw..not sure how. Hoping not from a scorpion or spider bc that means one is loose in my house.

Bad news from Jake's family. His Nanna has been battling cancer and they found another spot on her lungs. More chemo..poor Nanna. Please pray for her and her family.

It just feels very overwhelming. I came home in tears, dehydrated, tired..just beyond myself. I drank some water, talked with a good friend, got a nap and now feel better. I know I need to trust the Lord. I just got a whole lot of things at once and kind of lost sight of that. I am glad I have the Word of God and can rely on all He says.

Well, thats all. I am still hoping to go into labor soon. I feel miserable!