In My Shoes

Here I am with my little munchkins on Mother's Day right before they went to bed and the day of pampering commenced.  I was served breakfast in bed from Mimi's Cafe and was showered with presents picked out by Elijah including the maxi dress I am wearing in the picture, a pair of linen and hot pink patent leather flats to match, and a nice marble looking decorative heart (that unfortunately has already been broken thanks to Noah...why I don't have any "pretties" of my own anymore).  The only not-so-nice thing about the day was that Elijah and I were sick so we just had to lie around the house trying to feel better. But it was still nice and I am extremely grateful to Jake for making it so special.

Yesterday I was in Target and I received yet another "I don't know how you do it. I don't think I'd want to be in your shoes." Maybe it was because the woman who said it had a two year old and realized just how active and argumentative they are. Maybe it's because at the time I was running back and forth in the cafe trying to get both Noah and Jonah to sit down in their chairs to eat their popcorn and Icees.  Did I have the frazzled Mom look? I'm sure I did. Sometimes I really wish I was the cool and collected mom with everything matching right down to the fingernail polish. I guess I'm kidding myself. I have only had one pedicure in my life and had a manicure twice...once for prom and once for my wedding. Wow. I got off topic. Anyway. Sometimes I get a little bit crazy and feel like a corn kernel in a hot kettle. Like soon I am going to pop. Like I did today in the parking lot at Walmart.

Here is the story.

Want to know what it's like to be in my shoes? Well, first of all, my shoes are currently wet and sticky. Sound interesting? It's not really. To start the day, I was awakened at 5am by Noah who apparently has no sense of time and does not realize it is too early to wake up. He came into bed with us because I decided I just could NOT fare yet another sleep on the makeshift foam mattress we had to move YET AGAIN because the twins cannot decide where they want to sleep (I think they just DON'T want to sleep to be honest). There he rested until 8 (praise the Lord) when the others woke up. I made them some cereal which they proceeded to dump half of on the floor which is already filthy and is something I cringe at the thought and sight off. I attempt to eat my cereal and instead end up feeding over half of it to the "me, bite, peas" children that are pulling on my arms. I throw Narnia the Voyage of the Dawn Treader in the DVD player as an attempt to TRY to get a few little things done for the day. I get a quarter of the things I wanted to. So I throw the kids shoes on and head to the glass place in town. Why? Because the Mother's Day present that I got Jake's Mom was STEPPED on by my lovely Noah (notice a pattern here?) and was broken. I got the kids out and settled in the stroller and walked in the store to find that it was a jewelry store too. Nice. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!! I then had to LEAVE my kids IN THE STORE to go in the garage to get the glass. "I'll watch them" the lady said. She did. But really? Not something I was comfortable with. Anyway. We had 20 minutes to pick it up so we went to Walmart. BIG MISTAKE!!!!

Let me tell you what it's like to have twins. Anywhere I go I have to think "where do I put my children?" Most of the time I shop at Fry's, Target and Costco. Want to know why? Because they actually have carts that are USEFUL to me. I can strap BOTH the twins in. At Fry's I get the bonus that Elijah can ride the car too. My one problem. For some reason all of the stores lately have been in the need of new straps...very irritating. You have straps to keep my kids safe. REPLACE THEM PLEASE!  Anyway. Notice that Walmart is NOT ON THE LIST. Why I decided to go there...I don't know...I must have had a  senior moment or something. Anyway. The entire time I was the mom that every mom and grandma is nervous for because her children keep standing up in the back of the cart. I had to put my items on the bottom of the cart because I didn't have anywhere else to put them. To top it off everyone was thirsty so instead of buying the Sprite that Elijah wanted, I picked up some individual Sunny Delight. Ok. I know it's not the best for them, but it's better than Sprite. I checked out and then did yet another stupid thing. Because they were hungry and I was starving (I only got half of my cereal, remember?) I decided to grab a hamburger, yogurt parfait and drink for me at the McDonalds in the store. Well, first off, they don't allow carts in there anymore. NOT convenient for me...especially since to GET the drink, I have to go through the dining area. So now I have to drag 3 children to try to get the Coke that I desperately need right now. Noah goes this way, Jonah the other. People stare. How about you stop staring and help me out?? Novel idea, I know. I finally get it all situated, get my food, open the Sunny D for the now screaming children and attempt to head to the car feeling like just crawling in a hole. I am stopped by a SECURITY GUARD asking to see my receipt. Are you freaking kidding me? I have to show you my receipt? What is this, Costco? I rummage through all the bags (it's in the last one) to get the receipt meanwhile many OTHER shoppers are just walking by. Seriously? Do I LOOK like I'm going to steal a few meager groceries and a box of diapers? Irritated I get to the car, get Jonah in, get Elijah in and go to put Noah in....put his drink on the top of the car while doing so...and the wind blows it over...all down into the car and all in my new shoes. "AAAUUUGGHHH!!!! WHY MEEEEE!" I scream at the top of my lungs in the ghetto Walmart parking lot. I then realize that my outburst probably means that I actually BELONG in the Walmart parking lot and I slink into the drivers seat quite ashamed. I quietly drive to pick up the glass. "Momma, Jonah spilled his drink" "I don't care" "Momma, Noah spilled his drink"  I am still quiet...gritting my teeth just a bit...sigh...and think to myself "how much can a momma take?"  I got the glass, got home, put the groceries away while the kids found the hamburgers and managed to throw them in the garbage. Thankfully they were still wrapped and in the bag. Fed them and have currently tried to get the twins to take a nap for the last hour. They are finally asleep...and I'm about dead. To think that I am actually on "VACATION" from work right now. Yay for me. I got absolutely nothing accomplished and at the moment I have an almost 4 year old pulling on me and telling me I don't love him because I am not currently sitting right next to him while he watches his favorite show. I never realized that motherhood was a game...one that I don't feel like I can ever win. And if you want to know what it's like to be in my shoes, just come on over any time. They are currently orange, wet, and sticky...but tomorrow is another day that will bring something new. I guess I am ok with anything so long as it's nothing with an exoskeleton like a scorpion or spider *shudder*.