very hot!

another update via phone so please ignor the grammer.

today was another long day of tests and dr appts. the boys look great by ultrasound and they did not even need to be buzzed for their nonstress test. the past few days i have not had to take the terbutaline every 4 hrs during the morning bc i haven't really started contracting until the afternoon..and we won't get into the nightmare evenings/nights we have..lets just say uncomfortable is not nearly a strong enough word. poor jake..home for the crappy part. anyway..so i thoughtmornings were my good time..until the nurse hooked me up tothe nst and we saw nice little waves every 5 minutes. not irritability..contractions, but mild..and i couldn't feel them at all. i wonder what my night ones look like. anyway, now i have to take the terb every 4hrs regardless of how i feel. my cervix is now dilated to two which is good considering all the contractions i have...it makes me say really? are you sure? he cannot believe i have no swelling whatsoever. he says its unheard of. i told him i wanted the motrin back. i know i can't have it but i hate the terb. it makes me jittery, my heart races, and as if its not hot enough here itbmakes me feel like i am in a furnace.

getting discouraged

as much as i would love to carry these guys til the end i am getting sooooo tired. now that i am off the motrin i realize how much the meds hid my discomforts like back and rib pain. now i am on terbutaline which makes me jumpy. now its harder to tell when i am contracting vs having the uterine irritability. i used to be able to go by back pain and nausea but now i have back pain all the time and am nauseated bc of al the reflux. there's just not much room in there. i know i don't have much more time and am very thankful for that. i miss being able to play with elijah and doing things for myself. i know when i have them though it will be just as hard..just in a different way. i feel like i whine about things all the time now. i feel bad but it often just comes out. jake has been a great support and i feel bad that he has so much more on his plate. just a few more weeks. it's so hard to wait.

sorry for all the lower case but i just got an update on my phone so i can post now but for some reason it won't let me do upper case or exclamation points. all for now.

Scary Day

Yesterday I had a little scare with the boys. I had a nonstress test and while I was on the monitors Baby A's heart rate started dropping a little...then a lot..from 130's to 74! It stayed there for what seemed like forever to me and then started climbing back up but stayed in the 90's for awhile. I was expecting someone to come in to check on me or tell me to get on my left side but nope, nothing! Then I started second guessing myself and kind of going into a mini freak out session. Finally after over 30 minutes the nurse came in and said that it was taking longer because they had to call the doctor on call and were waiting for her to call back. She was "stuck" on what to tell me so I interjected and said "because Baby A had a decel and took awhile to recover." She was a little taken back and was like, yes, and because Baby B has only had 1 heart rate acceleration since we've put you on (which I was kind of wondering about because his strip was pretty flat looking). I kind of was wondering why she didn't try giving me juice or ice water but whatever, I'm not an L&D nurse so I can't claim to know everything. I told her I was a NICU nurse upstairs and she was like, oh, that explains why you know that. So then I had to wait for the doctor (not my doctor mind you) to call back. Finally she came back in and said that I was going for and ultrasound to get a biophysical profile. Okay, I figured that much. So then I waited an HOUR for them to get me into ultrasound(which I must say was NOT comfortable because since when are gurneys comfortable..let alone when you're pregnant..and with twins)...AND pretty much the whole time the monitors kept coming off of the babies which freaked me out because I wanted to know what baby A was doing. Well, a couple times I fixed them myself because I was so worried about it. Really, I thought they would come in to fix it but they never did..the entire time! A few of the times I got it back on his heart rate was low 100's so then I was worried he had been down for awhile. I know, I know worry, worry...but what was I supposed to do? No one was coming in, I didn't have Jake with me, and really my only concern was the babies. When I finally got to have the ultrasound I was very happy to see Ramona, my favorite ultrasound tech. She is super nice and always shows me exactly how the babies are laying and if she can get a face shot she will give me a picture in 3D. I haven't had her for awhile so I haven't had an US picture for a few weeks. I know, poor baby..hey I'm paying $15 bucks each time..I'm entitled to a picture! Anyway. The ultrasound turned out okay. They were moving enough but they wouldn't breath until their 30 minute time frame was almost up. I'm relieved about the ultrasound but I still am a little nervous now. I am a little worried about our little B baby because of him having to be buzzed during the last US and then the nonstress test I had when I was 31 weeks the nurse made the comment that the goals were increased from increases in HR from 10bpm to 15bpm and that baby B would have to step it up a bit. Now I hope he's getting the oxygen and nutrients he needs. He doesn't move nearly as much as Baby A. You know I always try to teach parents not to rely on monitors but they at least have a baby to look at...I can't see these guys. I'm not so sure I like this anymore. And why did Baby A drop his heart rate? It's not like I am in hard labor. Sigh. I'm not sure I can take 41/2 more weeks of this. I'm going to be a wreck! I have to keep telling myself to trust God but it's very hard to do! I will be glad when I can see them and hold them!

33 weeks Saturday

The other day I told Jake that I didn't think that I was that big...that I was MAYBE the size I was when I had Elijah. He hated to burst my bubble but said, NO WAY. So we got out pictures from a week before I delivered Elijah. Yeah...he was right. I am definitely bigger. I still didn't think that I was that big though...until I took pictures. I think this one shows off the best.

I had my ultrasound today and found that I am actually carrying about 5 oz of baby more than Elijah, not to mention one more placenta and amniotic sac. I actually weigh exactly what I did when I delivered Elijah. Some very nice people have said I am all baby and don't look pregnant from behind. You all are too sweet! Once you get to be about this size though, you tend to feel like a big fat oompa loompa. You're clumsy, waddle like a duck, and can never get too comfy.

How big are they you ask. Well, Baby A is measuring 4 lbs 12 oz and supposedly has a big head and is measuring like a 34 weeker instead of 33. Baby B is smaller, weighing in at 4 lbs 3 oz...no big head. He is the quieter of the two and for the first time had to be "buzzed" in order to wake up and pass his test via ultrasound. So far the amniotic fluid is still good which is a very good thing. It allows me to stay on the Motrin until next week. After that the plan is to take me off the Motrin and give me oral terbutaline for a week, maybe two but probably not...we'll see. I might know more but I didn't get to see MY doc today. I hate that. I was supposed to but he left in the morning and his partners took his patients. Don't get me wrong, they are all great OB's but I picked mine for a reason. I love the fact that he is constantly updating me with my progress; how my blood pressure is, where my weight falls, how I'm measuring, what our goals for the next week are...that kind of thing. When I see someone else I never get any of that. Oh well. I am praying that I get to have him see through the delivery like he did with Elijah. Everything else will be so different from last time. It will be weird to deliver in the OR (so far heads are down so it's just a precaution in case Baby B flips and he doesn't respond to an aversion) and to have a NICU team there. I guess I am very blessed to know everyone up there and have the best neonatologist and nurses ever!

I am starting to get a little nervous about caring for 2 babies and Elijah. I am praying God gives me the ability to get through it all. I think I am even more worried once I have to go to work after only 6 weeks of being with them and trying to get them on some sort of schedule. Elijah slept pretty much through the night by the time I went back to work. Sigh. I am also quite concerned about the postpartum depression as I already am feeling myself slip into some depression.

One positive thing that has happened is that I FINALLY got approved for my short term disability. Only took almost 4 weeks. Oh well, at least it is taken care of...or so they say.

I am still trying to keep busy. I have knitted 43 hats and 4 pairs of booties. No, I don't know how to knit...it's a cheater loom but it keeps me occupied. I do have to say..there are NO GOOD TV SHOWS ON during the day. AUGH!

I have a Droid smart phone now and found out from a mommy group that I belong to that they have an application to count your contractions and kicks. I downloaded it and it is pretty cool. I tried it out and realized I have WAY more contractions than I realized. To me they weren't anything more than normal but now I'm thinking how in the world am I going to know when I am really in labor when I already feel like I'm constantly contracting. I'm praying my water breaks so that I can be sure. Odd prayer I know but I already go to triage enough for tests, I don't want to show up for false labor. The last stress test they did the nurse discharged me and told me that I was starting to contract a lot so come back in if they increased. Ok...really? Cause I really have no idea that I am even having some of them. Oh well. Like I said, water breaking would be a really good sign. Just not in bed...that might get a little messy. Maybe a little trickle...on the tile, cement, linoleum. Better yet, at the doctor's office. Hey it happens! I was seeing him once and he told me he just had a twin mommy's water break when he checked her. I could go for that. At least I'd know what's going on!

Well, I probably should get going. I wish I had some better preggo pictures but Jake will have to take those.

On an ending note...WHY IS IT SO STINKIN' HOT ALL THE TIME! I need a personal fan! 112 degrees is not fun!

Some more updates

We are still doing well here at our house. We are starting to get into a routine with the changes that have happened. On Mondays we go to my friend Clarinda's house so that Elijah can get out and play with her kids and I can lay on her couch and get a change of scenery and some conversation. It's nice too because I miss being able to play with Elijah and this way at least I can watch him a little. Clarinda's amazing because she already has 4 kids of her own, including a 7 month old and she takes on Elijah and I and feeds us and cleans her house and does her laundry without missing a beat. I appreciate it.

On the remaining days Elijah goes to his GaGa's house to play all day. He loves their house and thinks Papa and GaGa are the best. I do too. I had a wonderful blessing of a cleaning fairy (aka Mom) on Saturday. Not only that, when I came home on Monday I found that my nasty, dirty carpets had been cleaned by the carpet cleaning fairy (again, aka Mom).

I get out of the house three other times during the week all of which started this week. Once for a non-stress test at the hospital (bummer, can't get it at the dr b/c they don't have a twin monitor), once for the dr and once for a biophysical profile at the hospital. Yikes! 45 min drive plus waiting for the appointments...which the past couple times at the hospital has been an hour because now they no longer have a separate fetal assessment center so basically I'm seen in between triage patients. Anyway. So far all of my tests are good and the Motrin that I'm on is keeping the constant contractions at bay. I am starting to be a little more uncomfortable but when I think about it, even though I technically am measuring about 38 weeks or so, my discomfort is not as bad as when I was 38 weeks with Elijah. These guys seem to be a little lower though so I can breathe better (with the exception of the humidity which has aggravated my asthma a bit). Even though I feel more like they are falling out, being on bedrest helps with that b/c I'm not on my feet enough to have it bother me.

I have also been blessed with WONDERFUL ladies at church that have been taking time out of their busy schedules to make us some excellent and tasty meals so that I don't have to rely on what Jake may concoct. While he's not a bad cook, cooking everyday in addition to working and taking on added responsibilities at home may not be the best thing.

Here is Elijah enjoying some of his cool new "paints" from some of my awesome coworkers. They have helped keep him occupied on the rare instance that I am left home with him by myself, when Daddy needs to get some things done, or just plain because he likes to do them.

These next pictures are a little older...from when we went to the boot store a few weeks ago and he wanted a "Jessi" hat. We happened to be on the phone with Grammy who just couldn't stand to hear him cry and pointed out that she and Grampy had sent out some birthday money that maybe he could buy his hat with. Well, he loves it as you can see.

He also got a Jessi and Woody doll from his friend Caitlin. These are the real things from when Toy Story 2 came out. He loves them and takes them everywhere. Thanks Cat!

Here's an infrequent smile for the camera.

And this is him after a long and hard day at Papa and GaGa's house. Jake and I were just talking on the couch and turned to find him asleep like this. Crazy goose.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I was hoping that I could update my blog from my phone now that I have the internet on it (YEAH!! gives me something to do!) but for some reason I can't. Boo. Oh well. I will do my best to keep it updated.