I just wanted to take the time to share something very near to my heart. It's a video about postpartum depression. One of the reasons that I started this blog 7 years ago was because I was suffering from postpartum depression and it helped give me an outlet. I don't think I really posted any of my feelings about the depression, but just being able to share a little bit of my life was helpful. Unfortunately, I think many people have a misconception about postpartum depression. While I knew this was true, I found it surprising that even some individuals in the OB medical realm have no idea. Just the other day I was having a discussion with a couple individuals when I found out that they both experienced postpartum depression. Imagine my dismay when their idea of postpartum depression was about two weeks of crying all the time after delivery. I wish. I'm sorry to say, that's the baby blues and that is experienced by a lot more mothers. True postpartum depression is debilitating. It makes you feel crazy. It's hard on your family. I could barely function. It wasn't just crying. It was walking around Target EVERYDAY, eating a pretzel and soda, pushing my son in the cart just wandering around because I didn't know what else to do. It was having an anxiety attack and hyperventilating when someone you love and care about dearly picks up your baby when you are in the bathroom. It's forgetting to pay bills, not remembering important events, and feeling completely lost. It's going to an amusement park and seeing everyone around you have fun and you feel like everything is just swirling around you in slow motion and you're empty. It was unimaginable thoughts of crashing your car into a side-rail because you just know that you are a terrible wife and mother and your family would be better off without you. And just maybe by doing such an unthinkable thing you would finally be rid of the terrible thoughts and feelings that are perpetually haunting you.
Unfortunately, one thing that is not discussed is that postpartum depression can actually start BEFORE delivery. It's antenatal or prenatal depression. And I'm suffering from it right now. It became pretty apparent when at just 16 weeks I was having trouble getting out of bed, snapped at everything, had anxiety attacks at the stupidest things and just would cry for no reason. I was either barely eating or gorging on junk food. It is not surprising given that I have a history of postpartum depression, had an unplanned pregnancy and was incredible sick while pregnant. Jake has been amazing and suggested that I talk to my OB about it. We are working on it and I now have great support from Jake, my OB and my counselor. One thing that people may not understand is that a mom suffering from depression actually increases risk for the baby. Studies have found that it can cause depression in the baby later in life and it can cause preterm delivery and low birth weight. Often moms with depression do not fully care for themselves and fail to eat right and take their vitamins. It's not that they don't WANT to care for themselves or baby...they just can't. Because of this, we felt it very important for me to seek help. Jake has been amazing and extremely understanding. It's very hard to be the spouse of someone going through what I am. I am really struggling with it right now. I think it's because I'm starting to realize that the baby will be coming soon and I don't feel prepared. Not only that but I'm extremely uncomfortable right now. I'm at the "everything hurts and I'm dying" phase and I am only 31 weeks.
Here's the video. It's helpful to know that other people have been in the same place and I am not alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment