All about ME!

OK, enough about the kids for now, I'm going to post about ME and how I am doing. Truth be told..I don't know. As wierd as it sounds I feel like I am still a little bit in shock mode. I've kind of felt that way since delivery. It all happened so fast I feel like it DIDN'T happen. I heard 2 crying babies at once and said out loud "oh my God, those are mine..what do I do with them!" and I was being very sincere. Then Jonah got taken away and it wasn't like there was 2 babies any more. We had to visit them separately so it didn't really sink in until we took Jonah home a couple days later. Even then they both slept a lot and rarely cried, just made grunting noises and sucked on their hands when hungry. I tried to take it easy while Jake was home. This whole past 10 weeks has been a little odd for me. I went from doing everything myself to being able to do nothing and be totally reliant on others to be the main caregiver to 2 totally helpless beings (I say that bc Jake took care of Elijah while I did most of the work with the twins since I am nursing) and now I am taking care of Elijah too. The boys have now both found their voices and do cry..especially Noah. He has a lot of gas and this morning cried for an hour before the other 2 woke up and NOTHING I did helped him.
On Tuesday Elijah begged me to go out. He wanted to do something. He cried and cried he wanted to see Daddy so I figured ok, I need to go out with the 3 of them sometime and haven't been out except to the hospital or dr in 10 weeks..lets go bring Daddy lunch. So we did, and went to pick up something fromBuy Buy Baby and Costco. Then we dropped of some goodies for the nurses at the hospital. I found out that we need a bigger vehicle. It is a pain in the butt to get out the stroller. It fits the trunk but just barely. It literally takes like 15 min to get everyone in and out of the car. After our excursion I was a little unsure about myy decision. I felt empowered for doing it, glad to get out, but exhausted and  left wondering how  I am going to do this alll the time. As much of a shock it is to lose some of your freedom when you have one kid, its fifty fold when you have a toddler AND twins! I tried to go to CVS to buy diapers  bc they are on sale...yeah that worked. They have mini carts so i had to take one of the car seats and carry it and then the other I had to keep picking up off the cart to put the goodies in it. I will only be running in there by myself or when Jake is in the car to watch them.
Being home with them all by myself has been a challenge.  It seems like Elijah wants soomething the same time that the boys are both crying and he wants it now too just like them. Also he has been really stubborn so when I tell him no, or he can't do something he will yell very loudly I CAN!
I am very homesick for Michigan right now. It's been a year exactly since I saw my parents. I wish I was there to help them as they are going through a tough time. A week and a half before the twins were born they got in a major car accident and were injured. My dad fractured his back and my mom fractured her pelvis. They don't really have a lot of help as my brother just got a "real" job (he gets to go to Barcelona for it..lucky duck? and my sister just started college. They can't cut their grass, get softener salt or anything heavy..I feel helpless. They didn't tell me about it until last week bc they didn't want me to worry. I wish I had money to fly out there with everyone and help out. Plus everyone on facebook is posting about caramel apples and cider and donuts. I just miss home. I always miss the fall because thwre is really nothing like it here.
Well, I guess i should stop droning on. One good thing about me right now...I fit into all my old clothes again. I've lost 35 pounds and 11 inches. Still got a little more to go but I'm not rushing it. All that came off just from birthing and nursing.