Thankful Day

These past few months I feel that I have had a lot going on in my life physically and emotionally. One of my "worries" has been a questionable spot that I found a couple months ago. I had a similar thing happen about 4 years ago and it went away (I did have an ultrasound that said it was benign) so it was only slightly worrisome...at least until I went for my first mammogram today. Then I realized that I was very nervous. Praise the Lord, so far everything looks OK. From what the radiologist sees he thinks it's just a fibroid but I need to follow up with a needle aspiration of tissue to be sure it's not cancerous. I have been reading a lot in God's Word about trusting but let me tell you it is easy to say and hard to do! I have really been drawing closer to His Word and praying lately. I know it's something that one should always do but to be perfectly honest I am human and so my flesh starts out the day running to do the things I "think" are more important. Now that I have been absorbing myself in His Word I realize how important it is in my life. I have really learned a lot from the Old Testament and have received a lot of comfort from the New Testament. I am starting to do a study on trusting Him now. I have found myself sinking into a deeper depression in the past few months. It is very different from the postpartum depression that I went through though. That was terrible. No one should have to go through that! This I know is not due to hormones and such...just a little situational I think. Some of you may or may not know that Jake and I have been wanting, praying, trying for a baby for the past 9 months. I never thought that I would ever have to face the possibility that I may have trouble conceiving and let me tell you the news is quite devastating to me. I talked with my OB/GYN and from what it looks like as of now getting pregnant without the help of medication (from a medical perspective at least) is not going to happen right now. When or if it ever will be possible is up in the air as well. I have all sorts of feelings going on right now. All I want to be is pregnant. I want to rest my hands on my belly, feel little (or big!) movements, inhale the soft scent of baby clothes. I wouldn't even mind the perpetual nauseated and tired feeling..at least I can say that now. I want to give Elijah a sibling...a playmate...someone he'll always have to bug :) I am surrounded by pregnant friends. Don't get me wrong because I am SOOO happy for them. It just makes me feel SOOO sorry for myself. Which I shouldn't. I believe that God has a reason for this..I just don't know what yet. And to be quite honest it is just very hard to trust Him when your fleshly emotions get in the way. I would most definitely appreciate some prayers from you all! Not just for becoming pregnant...for being at peace with whatever the Lord's will is for my (and Jake's) life.

Enough of me. The pictures tell how busy we've been. Here is Elijah playing in the couch cushions. There also is a couple of Elijah washing his "new" used car we got from Goodwill, and us at Cabella's with a coon cap and his new "pop" gun that he loves. He's such a big ball of energy. I love him so!